On Anja Spiegelman

There is a line in Maus that I think about a lot. “To die, it's easy. But you have to struggle for life.”  (Maus I, page 122, Spiegelman) Vladeck says this to Anja to comfort her after their nephew got sent to Auschwitz and Anja had a nervous breakdown about all their relatives who were killed by the Nazis; she was crying about wanting to die. I find this quote to be very impactful and its context to be so motivational; it’s hard to believe that Vladeck and Anja were able to pull themselves together and push forward knowing that they have no one else left but each other and that people were out to kill them.

I chose this quote because, evidently,  I really like it, but also because I want to talk about Anja’s anxiety and depression, as well as highlight what a feat it is that she didn’t give in and was able to survive the Holocaust with those mental disorders. As someone who is also diagnosed with General Anxiety disorder like so many people are, I know that it must’ve been VERY difficult for her to want to continue to survive.

Anxiety and depression are, unfortunately, regarded as inferior or not real mental illnesses like the personality disorder, schizophrenia, or bipolar disorder. People today often think that it’s just a “phase” or “laziness.” It’s not. It’s about constantly worrying over small things; irrational fear. It’s about not wanting to go to a party ever again because some tiny thing went wrong that one time. It’s about planning every single little tiny detail out of what you’re going to do and say when all you are is ordering something at McDonald's. It’s about your heart racing when you see water because you’re reminded of that you’re about to do a tryout for swimming. It’s about not being able to concentrate on homework because you keep worrying about your swim tryouts. It’s about not being to sleep at night because you can’t stop worrying about all the mistakes you’re going to make tomorrow during your English presentation. It’s about crying randomly and having your heart beat hard over absolutely nothing. All these things I have to deal with being merely a high school student. Think about Anja. She had to live through the atrocities of the Holocaust! She even at one point was separated and therefore lost the support of her husband! Imagine how the horrors she witnessed there must’ve affected her without the reassurance and motivation that Vladeck could’ve given her. And must I remind you that it wasn’t just anxiety, it was depression too! Some people probably think that it’s such a waste or it was weird that Anja committed suicide after and even though she survived the Holocaust, but it’s understandable considering she had to add PTSD to her list of mentally and physically wearing things. I commend her strength because I know that were I put in her shoes, I definitely wouldn’t have survived.